Would you like God with your sandwich?

By Madame Broccoli

Jesus, Mary and Joseph!  I had almost forgotten what it was like to be Catholic and my husband (Jewish) was virtually clueless, but it quickly came back to me when I entered the restaurant known as Joseph’s Storehouse Restaurant & Bakery in San Antonio, Texas, located on St. Mary’s Street (no coincidence there!) on the way out of town, set on a commercially depressed strip between airport and downtown.

It was kind of creepy, like being five again visiting a nutty Aunt who wears her love of the Lord on her sleeve, displaying little statues of suffering saints in every corner of the house.  But, hey, we were desperate, on our way to the airport and traveling with a three year old who needed food NOW.  Even though the outside screamed “SOMETHING’S WAY WRONG HERE” as a neon sign tells of Sunday Worship and there were visible crosses, we decided to go inside.  In fact, the “storehouse/restaurant” looks a bit like a garage sale as there are numerous items for sale, lace doilies, candle holders and little plaques with bible verses placed about.

The door banged shut behind my ass and the few individuals who gathered to talk about Christ over bakery goods collectively stared.  My husband had this look of someone who believes he is about to be lynched.  But I figured, hey, my nutty aunt made the best sandwiches, maybe Joseph’s would serve its purpose.  My husband refused to eat.  I tried  the Veggie Crunch sandwich because it’s just the sort of thing we vegetarians go for!  Two slabs of bread with shredded carrots, cabbage, sunflower seeds, monteray jack cheese, all held together with Dijon mustard and mayonnaise.  I must have been half crazy with starvation to even try it!  A large amateurish painting of Noah’s Ark hung above our table as well as a decorative crown of thorns.  Even though I thought the crown of thorns would be a pretty funny gag when the security guard at the airport opened up my luggage to remove the bottles of water, I decided to pass.

All sandwiches are priced at a whopping $9.15.  One high flat price fits all schemes.  I have ordered sandwiches at some of the finest eating establishments around the world but can’t recall ever having paid nearly so much.  My little guy just had the peanut butter sandwich which, thankfully, could be found on the children’s menu and came in at a mere $4.50.

I have no doubt their bakery items are worth a visit.  However, I do suggest, unless you enjoy ’80s rock music and Christian décor, take it to go!

—Madame Broccoli